Failed Expectations

Funny thing about life.....its never quite as smooth a ride as we would hope for. I suppose one might say adversity builds character. For some, their adversity should stimulate great personal growth.....a pity it doesn't always work out that way.....but I'm getting ahead of myself.......
I've always been a movie buff. I might have said it before. I'll probably say it again. Maybe its because I've always liked the idea of how every person's life is their own personal movie & they are the leading man/woman, or should be anyways. If anything, I suppose mine would be viewed as a Woody Allen-esque comedy (Laugh Out Loud.....despite their convience, I hate internet jargon).
I've also always liked the concept of writing fantasy that's based on reality, in a sense. After all, what is fantasy, if not a simple acceleration towards a place outside the realm of reality that might not always be entirely plausible, but still interesting to ponder. But I'm complicating things.
One movie I learned to briefly enjoy when I was young was "Addicted to Love", starring Meg Ryan & Matthew Broderick. It tells the story of a pair of broken hearts scheming to get back at their respective ex's for leaving them. While that concept is nothing new to the film industry, or to us mere mortals in general, the film makes an attempt at displaying wacky & often improbable scenarios, all in the name of romantic vengence & desperation. The critics, however, were not amused. They pretty much went on to tear the movie apart. But it was not without its endearing & poignant moments. Near the end, there is a scene where Broderick indirectly confronts his counterpart in the film, the man his girlfriend left him for, who was played by Turkish-french actor Tcheky Karyo. In the scene, Karyo, thoroughly beaten & exhausted by the course of events in the movie, breaksdown & speaks of how he had used Ryan, his ex-wife in the movie, by marrying her for his own purposes. He spoke of how he felt terrible when thinking of it to this day, repeating to himself that, at that time, he felt that this wrong could be made right if he "...could just learn to love her....I just thought I could make it right, if I could just learn to love her". Life rarely hands us situations where we have our expectations met or lived up to, it would seem.
We live in a world dominated by people. Various, interesting, individual people. And while we all have our own hopes & dreams, we also tend to have our own expectations. Expectations of life, of circumstances, of certain abilities, of ourselves, even of others. Perhaps it is in that where the problem lies, especially in regards to social structures within any given community or even within any given relationship amongst people. As different people, we have different expectations of one another when it comes to our own individual wants & needs, especially when a certain degree of investment has been made, be it emotional or otherwise. Wisdom would explain that one should never have an expectation of others that they would not have of themselves, but not only is that concept not in practice, it is unrealistic. Its unrealistic because different people are capable of different things & man, unlike other known creatures of the world, operates outside of the realm of logic, especially when it comes to matters involving his/her emotions.
As a species, man is by far the most complicated & twisted of god's creations. He is not without his own sense of irrationality, pseudo-dementia and disappointment, especially within himself. Countless interactions with his peers & himself shape the mind of the said individual, molding ideas & beliefs, thereby sculpting a person, which comes included with opinions, hopes & dreams. But, each one of us also has certain expectations, not just of life, but of each other as well. We expect family to be there for us, we expect friends to keep our secrets, we expect (or hope) our crush to like us back, we expect our significant others to care for us as we care for them & we expect our dreams to come true, granted that the hard work required is put in.
But the problem with any expectation, no matter how great or small, is the human element. As we live in a world where man rules (relatively speaking), his strengths, along with his fallacy, greatly affects the odds of any enterprise being achieved, thereby making it trickier to anticipate. We're human. We're flawed. We make mistakes. We fuck up. So, when our human side negatively affects life, expectations are not achieved, beliefs are questioned, disappointment is imminent and further evidence is presented to the jury in our minds that "Life's a bitch".
Failed expectations are the worst. Of our friends, of our family, of our beliefs, of our hopes, of the ones we desire, of the ones we love......it is these that tend to hurt the most. When you find out that mommy cheated on daddy with the 18-year-old highschool jock from down the street, when your friends let you down in the most heart-wrenching way, when you don't make the grade despite the fact that you busted your ass for it, when you realize that the image you had of someone was nothing more than just that, when you discover that your dreams had never been realized and that it might be too late, when you look back upon your life & wonder what it is exactly that you accomplished.......these & many more.
Lord only knows what the answer would be to this query........ how do we deal with failed expectations? Some might suggest that lowering ones expectations is appropriate, in order to save them from the bitter disappointment of reality setting in. But in order to do that, I believe I would have to be overwhelmingly addicted to pot, to such a degree that my thought process would be greatly altered (while the idea does have some appeal to me, I value my brain cells....immensely). Some might suggest to simply suck it up & take it in stride, but humanity was never built for that, regardless of the feats of almost superhuman daring that the everyday man has achieved, emotionally & psychologically, as well as physically. Some might even suggest we simply accept the fact that disappointment is inevitable. And while I don't disagree with that, I can't help but feel that there has to be more to it.
Sometimes, life's greatest disappointments are the hopes we see crushed. The hopes we yearn for, believing that for a split second, they could actually be achieved, actually come to fruition, only to watch them collapse like a condemned building after an earth-shattering explosion. Life would dictate that one must simply carry on, learning from this & continuing on their journey through existence. While I maybe be thankful for some (not all) of my experiences, I can sum up what I learned with these words......."God would never put me in a situation that he knew I couldn't handle......but sometimes I just wish that he didn't trust me so much".
Usually, I would simply implore anyone who reads this to not lose faith in us, in people, in those your close with, in those you care for..... even if it was once upon a time. Whatever happens, whatever disappointments we have, it is simply part of life's cycle to mix things up, causing a ruckus, to test any bond. Normally, I would simply tell people to forgive..........but not this time. I can not endorse that principle, for reasons that I will not explain. Perhaps I've become fed-up with the idea of certain expectations not being met for unfair reasons, perhaps life's finally given me that knock-out punch that I can't get up from, perhaps I simply wanna throw some gas on the fire & watch that raging mothafucka burn.
"Addicted to Love" ended with both couples being resoundingly screwed but discovering that they are with whom they were meant to be all along. Some might even find solace in this outcome & wonder if it is indeed possible, if one might actually find love & happiness, to actually have their expectation of life met, in the most unlikely of places, through the most unfathomable scenarios, in the face of seemingly devastating circumstances or revelations.
Quite possibly. However we should always remember one thing. Out of all of the almighty's creations, it is us, Man, who are his greatest work.....and his biggest disappointment. So the question remains, do you hope against hope? Is there any at all to be had?
Could be.....could be........but then again, if you're reading this, then ask yourself something, "Why speculate"?? I dunno about any of you, but personally, I can do without the disappointment. So, fuck it.