Burning Bridges
I once heard a story when I was 16. I think it was some random anecdote that was meant to impart some wisdom while at the same time mildly entertain the audience. If there's no objection, I'd like to share this tale....
There once were two neighboring farmers who lived on their respective plots of land. Being the hard-working sort, both would be working their land from sun-up to sun-down, toiling and tilling, hoping to get an honest reward for an honest days labor. Everyday, like clockwork, both farmers would meet at the fence that divided their lands, pausing to speak with each other, swapping stories, talking about their lives and just conversing with one another. This went on for many years, until one day, they had an argument of some kind, resulting in them walking away being rather cross with each other. That night, both farmers had a dream, where a light told them to go out to the fence and to hammer a single nail on their side of it. The next day, both of them went to the fence and, without a word, hammered their nails into it and walked away. For the next 10 years, they didn't speak one word to each other, going on about their lives and business, completely ignoring each other. Until, one night, both of them had another dream. In this dream, the same light came to them and told them to go out to the fence and take out the nails. The next day, they happened upon each other at the same time, at the same exact spot where they would meet years before. And without realizing it, they started talking again, admitting to each other that neither one of them could remember why they stopped talking in the first place. And as they spoke, they both removed their nails and went on about their lives, meeting at the fence every day since then, like clock-work, until they both inevitably succumbed to death.
Heart-warming? Perhaps. Inspiring? Maybe. Pointless?? Hardly.
As people, we are prone to acts of insecurity, paranoia and, occasionally, utter stupidity. We tend to make mistakes, in belief and perception, that would lead us to a conclusion that may or may not be warranted or justified, resulting in one party feeling a need to severe all ties. And the severing of the ties in itself is painful, on both sides, regardless of who is in the wrong, regardless of what had transpired, regardless of who did what to who.
When I was a little boy, my father taught me that, as human beings, we're islands. We come into and out of this world alone, but in between, we are connected by bridges, like literal lines of communication (which can be compared to global politics, economics, society & so on......yes, I'm having a nerd moment and no, I wasn't very popular in high school). It is these bridges, these lines of communication that connect us to each other, to the world. By cutting them off, we lose a little bit of ourselves, as well as the other person entirely.
But, at the same time, sometimes such drastic measures must be taken, to ensure our continued growth and survival, especially when in the throes of an interaction that bears neither fruit nor flower. Man has neither need nor want for weeds, thorns or spoiled thistles.
Yet, the problem is, when we cease to communicate due to imagined slights, misunderstood words, perceived actions, faulted interpretations, the ending of said relationships are merely premature. We burn down bridges not because we deem that to be necessary, but simply because we are hurting inside.
So, the question remains, do we go on about our lives, or do we wait 10 years for an "opportunity" to engage in conversation, rediscover the reason we gravitated to them in the first place and "possibly" re-establish contact? Do we simply ignore that longing to speak to them, citing that too much time has passed and is, therefore, too late?
Or, do we make the first move and just talk? Sure, you run the risk of getting shot down, but no guts, no glory, right? While personally pondering this theme, several have concluded that if the bridges were, or were allowed, to be burned down, then there must have been a reason. Hence, let the dead rest. However, I can't help but rebel against that. Friendship is growth, like most things in life. And like with growth, you will fall down. But, you get back up, back on the saddle or what have you.
So, the billion dollar question...what do you do?! I guess it ultimately boils down to how much you valued the relationship. Only after that question has been answered can you begin to further clarify your next course of action.
As for the aforementioned story, the fence was symbolic of their friendship and the nails were the turbulent times. Once the nails were hammered in, the friendship was tested. Simply removing the nails did not turn back the clock. The friendship was affected, irreversibly. But, it wasn't ruined. It can be repaired, but it will never be the same. Hence, friendship, and what have you, is precarious. Like all precious things, it must be nurtured and protected, from deceit, from misunderstanding, and sometimes from ourselves.
So, the question.....can burnt-down bridges be rebuilt? Like I said, billion dollar question. Of course, being that I'm a wise-ass, not a wise man, I have no answer. But, I shall leave with this quote.
"May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping." -Brian George, "Keeping the faith"
There once were two neighboring farmers who lived on their respective plots of land. Being the hard-working sort, both would be working their land from sun-up to sun-down, toiling and tilling, hoping to get an honest reward for an honest days labor. Everyday, like clockwork, both farmers would meet at the fence that divided their lands, pausing to speak with each other, swapping stories, talking about their lives and just conversing with one another. This went on for many years, until one day, they had an argument of some kind, resulting in them walking away being rather cross with each other. That night, both farmers had a dream, where a light told them to go out to the fence and to hammer a single nail on their side of it. The next day, both of them went to the fence and, without a word, hammered their nails into it and walked away. For the next 10 years, they didn't speak one word to each other, going on about their lives and business, completely ignoring each other. Until, one night, both of them had another dream. In this dream, the same light came to them and told them to go out to the fence and take out the nails. The next day, they happened upon each other at the same time, at the same exact spot where they would meet years before. And without realizing it, they started talking again, admitting to each other that neither one of them could remember why they stopped talking in the first place. And as they spoke, they both removed their nails and went on about their lives, meeting at the fence every day since then, like clock-work, until they both inevitably succumbed to death.
As people, we are prone to acts of insecurity, paranoia and, occasionally, utter stupidity. We tend to make mistakes, in belief and perception, that would lead us to a conclusion that may or may not be warranted or justified, resulting in one party feeling a need to severe all ties. And the severing of the ties in itself is painful, on both sides, regardless of who is in the wrong, regardless of what had transpired, regardless of who did what to who.
When I was a little boy, my father taught me that, as human beings, we're islands. We come into and out of this world alone, but in between, we are connected by bridges, like literal lines of communication (which can be compared to global politics, economics, society & so on......yes, I'm having a nerd moment and no, I wasn't very popular in high school). It is these bridges, these lines of communication that connect us to each other, to the world. By cutting them off, we lose a little bit of ourselves, as well as the other person entirely.
But, at the same time, sometimes such drastic measures must be taken, to ensure our continued growth and survival, especially when in the throes of an interaction that bears neither fruit nor flower. Man has neither need nor want for weeds, thorns or spoiled thistles.
Yet, the problem is, when we cease to communicate due to imagined slights, misunderstood words, perceived actions, faulted interpretations, the ending of said relationships are merely premature. We burn down bridges not because we deem that to be necessary, but simply because we are hurting inside.
So, the question remains, do we go on about our lives, or do we wait 10 years for an "opportunity" to engage in conversation, rediscover the reason we gravitated to them in the first place and "possibly" re-establish contact? Do we simply ignore that longing to speak to them, citing that too much time has passed and is, therefore, too late?
Or, do we make the first move and just talk? Sure, you run the risk of getting shot down, but no guts, no glory, right? While personally pondering this theme, several have concluded that if the bridges were, or were allowed, to be burned down, then there must have been a reason. Hence, let the dead rest. However, I can't help but rebel against that. Friendship is growth, like most things in life. And like with growth, you will fall down. But, you get back up, back on the saddle or what have you.
So, the billion dollar question...what do you do?! I guess it ultimately boils down to how much you valued the relationship. Only after that question has been answered can you begin to further clarify your next course of action.
As for the aforementioned story, the fence was symbolic of their friendship and the nails were the turbulent times. Once the nails were hammered in, the friendship was tested. Simply removing the nails did not turn back the clock. The friendship was affected, irreversibly. But, it wasn't ruined. It can be repaired, but it will never be the same. Hence, friendship, and what have you, is precarious. Like all precious things, it must be nurtured and protected, from deceit, from misunderstanding, and sometimes from ourselves.
So, the question.....can burnt-down bridges be rebuilt? Like I said, billion dollar question. Of course, being that I'm a wise-ass, not a wise man, I have no answer. But, I shall leave with this quote.
"May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping." -Brian George, "Keeping the faith"
The fact that I found your blog and read this article at this very moment... lets just say there is more to this world than meets the eye.
ReplyDelete