Reflections after 3 decades

 I have a bit of a confession to make. Certain icons of pop culture, such as in music and film, I've stumbled upon by accident. Had it not been for these accidents, I probably would never have known of the greats of music and film that I've come to know, love and respect. Case in point, Jimi Hendrix. Most people learn of this pioneer through his countless records and apperances, but I personally learned of him through an episode of Dinosaurs (which was a T.V. show from the '90s about domesticated suburban dinosaurs) or Redman, who I discovered by playing one of my favorite videogames "Def Jam; Fight for New York" (which lists as one of my all-time favorite games....yes, I'm a gamer...feel free to judge). The specifics I will not mention for the purpose of maintaining some dignity and "cool"-ness, but I will simply stick to the aforementioned confession that I did not learn of these people through conventional channels.
 I share one common trait with Jimi and Reggie (Redman, a.k.a. Reggie Noble). I require a certain degree of "artisitic stimulation" for my creative process. While these figures used "herbal" remedies to inspire, me being the cautious individual that I am, I stick to more conventional and legal elements, i.e. alcohol.
 Now, I open with this because, at this moment, I have indulged in my particular forbidden pleasure (after a period of abstinence, I might add) for the sake of a post-birthday celebration. On Nov. 12th of this year, I turned 30. The milestone, the benchmark, the big 3-0. And despite the esteemed nature of this, I find it somewhat lacking. Perhaps it is because of my failure to have accomplished my previously set goals, goals that I had hoped to achieve by this time, goals that I had set for myself many years ago, when I was young, care-free and oh-so-optimistic. Though I refuse to admit that life has gotten me beat, I must confess that I find myself being somewhat worried and even overwhelmed by my current standing in the grand scheme of things, especially when considering that, despite my education and training, I could be closer to accomplishing my set goals
 However, as father dearest, who recently celebrated his 32nd wedding anniversary with my beloved mother, once told me, "life is about lessons, not results". This is to say that, though you are expected to accomplish something with your life, it means nothing if you don't learn something along the way. So, what have I learned....

- I need to learn how to let things go. Holding on to the past, especially slights, have no purpose, other than to cause pain and confusion. Admittedly, this is a lesson that I've been told and have realized countless times in the past, but I have yet to fully understand. It is not for lack of trying, mind you, but it is simply because I don't know how.
- I can be petty, vindictive and mean. Despite my best efforts to be a good person, my inner demons are abundant and strong. This is not to admit that I am a slave to them, but rather to acknowledge their existence.
 - Despite my lackluster romantic life, I should still be hopeful. Though I may not be in the best shape of my life nor in the best position at the moment, my life's pretty good and I have a lot to offer.
 - I've got skills in the kitchen. Hell, five years ago, I wouldn't have known how to boil an egg even if my life depended on it. Now, I practically run whatever kitchen I set foot in, just for the hell of it. And to those who have had me over, while I do bitch and moan about being "made to cook", the truth is that it brings me pleasure and I do so willingly.
 But most of all, I learned that, despite my perceptions to the contrary, I'm blessed. I have a family that loves me, for better or worse, I have friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin, I have an education that will sustain me towards a better future and I have skills that validate and beautify me.

 Though I could go on and on in my self-glorification, I'll stop right there for fear of turning this respectable medium into an instrument for self-promotion. But, I will conclude with this.....I learned that I need to give myself some credit. While I would hate to cry "woe is me", I will admit that I have been up against some disadvantages. Despite these obstacles, I have accomplished a great deal in a short period of time. Though my perfectionistic personality would usually not allow me to appreciate this, I must override those impluses and accept that I am due some credit, that I deserve some credit and that I should, at the very least, give myself a break.
 So, to sum up.....I've done a hell of alot. I will do a hell of alot more. And whatever obstacles arise, I will overcome.
 So, cheers to 30. May there be 30 more. And 30 more after that. Let's just hope that the years to come will be just as interesting as the years past. Otherwise, I'll have nothing to write about.