ALIENation
Stop me if you've heard this one before.....in every crew/group/assortment of friends, there's always that one person who stands out. They seem to be lost in their own world, or perhaps they don't seem to fit in with the rest of the individuals that make up this collective, or maybe they're just so awkward that their inclusion into the group is a bit of a mystery to all.
That's the set up.....now for the punchline.......
If you don't know who that is in your group, chances are that it's YOU!!!!
I'll allow a brief pause for those of a more sinister wit to absorb and enjoy that piece of rather hurtful humor.
Of course, that's just a joke, right? If a group is sincerely a group, then surely all it's members are equally valued and appreciated, right? Well, as much as we would like to think so, as I've said time and again, we don't live in a perfect world. Our world is anything but fair.
I open with this in regards to something I saw on a playground earlier in the week as I was walking home from the store. I saw a group of boys playing with a ball. Harmless enough presumably. Except the game in question was "Norwegian Dodge ball" or some variation of it, because the apparent object of the game was for all the young boys to repeatedly strike one particular young boy with a ball. As I reached over and attempted to stop them, I was utterly surprised when the supposed victim of this rather vicious sport looked at me and asked me to go away. After ascertaining that was what he wanted, I walked away slightly shaken. Sure, boys will be boys. I've had my fair share of rough-housing and what not, but this was something else. Though some might question the authenticity of the following statement, I thought I saw genuine pleasure as those little monsters continued to hurt that one boy.
It stuck with me until I met the young boy again a few days later. I was enjoying a cup of coffee at a small cafe in town when he happened to be walking by. After inviting him over, I engaged him in polite chit-chat, asking him what his name was and where he was from. Being a local boy, he was relatively known here in town. I proceeded to, gently, inquire as to the nature of his relationship with the other boys I met him with the last time. At first defensive, he eventually opened up to me and told me, rather hesitantly, that they were his "friends" (I'm quoting him on that due to his specific inflection and pronunciation of the word, which sounded as if it was riddled with contempt).
Picking up on that, I pressed on and he gradually confided that they were not actually friends, but rather just a group of boys who allowed him to hang out with them, though not without strings attached. Evidently, they would pick on him, torment him, humiliate him and just thoroughly disregard him as a human being. Not wanting to alienate him, I tentatively asked why he would consider being with such a group if they didn't respect him as a friend, attempting to impart in him that friendship and respect are exclusive. He simply looked at me and said "I used to have friends," and walked away. But, as he made his departing statement, he said it with a look that pretty much explained everything to me, more than a thousand words could.
The young man had friends, but for reasons unclear, a distance had formed between him and his old friends. And being in a small town, isolation is almost imminent if steps aren't taken to ensure some interaction among others, lest you be ostracized.
So, from what this young man told me, I was able to sense that, like everybody else on this rock we inhabit, he simply wanted friends, acceptance & love. But, the question remains......what do you do when you're alienated from the people you love? The answer is simple. You simply look for love somewhere else. And sometimes, that search will lead you to some pretty dark places. Hell, industries dealing in morally questionable pharmaceuticals & adult entertainment thrive on that.
But, I'm digressing. The bottom line is, I saw a young man who was simply looking to fit in. And in his pursuit of acceptance, he allowed some major compromises to occur. I neither blame nor condemn him nor the other parties involved. Maybe I'm being cold in saying this, but this is simply a scenario that builds character, for all those concerned.
But, there is a lesson to be learned here. Maybe that guy in the group who sticks out, who doesn't quite get it, who always seems to be "weird"....maybe they're just trying hard and getting nowhere. Maybe they're just frustrated by the limited success in their efforts.
In the end of the day, we're all playing the same game and the grand prize is simply acceptance. To some, it might sound like a crappy prize, but it sure as hell beats the alternative.....alienation.
That's the set up.....now for the punchline.......
If you don't know who that is in your group, chances are that it's YOU!!!!
I'll allow a brief pause for those of a more sinister wit to absorb and enjoy that piece of rather hurtful humor.
Of course, that's just a joke, right? If a group is sincerely a group, then surely all it's members are equally valued and appreciated, right? Well, as much as we would like to think so, as I've said time and again, we don't live in a perfect world. Our world is anything but fair.
I open with this in regards to something I saw on a playground earlier in the week as I was walking home from the store. I saw a group of boys playing with a ball. Harmless enough presumably. Except the game in question was "Norwegian Dodge ball" or some variation of it, because the apparent object of the game was for all the young boys to repeatedly strike one particular young boy with a ball. As I reached over and attempted to stop them, I was utterly surprised when the supposed victim of this rather vicious sport looked at me and asked me to go away. After ascertaining that was what he wanted, I walked away slightly shaken. Sure, boys will be boys. I've had my fair share of rough-housing and what not, but this was something else. Though some might question the authenticity of the following statement, I thought I saw genuine pleasure as those little monsters continued to hurt that one boy.
It stuck with me until I met the young boy again a few days later. I was enjoying a cup of coffee at a small cafe in town when he happened to be walking by. After inviting him over, I engaged him in polite chit-chat, asking him what his name was and where he was from. Being a local boy, he was relatively known here in town. I proceeded to, gently, inquire as to the nature of his relationship with the other boys I met him with the last time. At first defensive, he eventually opened up to me and told me, rather hesitantly, that they were his "friends" (I'm quoting him on that due to his specific inflection and pronunciation of the word, which sounded as if it was riddled with contempt).
Picking up on that, I pressed on and he gradually confided that they were not actually friends, but rather just a group of boys who allowed him to hang out with them, though not without strings attached. Evidently, they would pick on him, torment him, humiliate him and just thoroughly disregard him as a human being. Not wanting to alienate him, I tentatively asked why he would consider being with such a group if they didn't respect him as a friend, attempting to impart in him that friendship and respect are exclusive. He simply looked at me and said "I used to have friends," and walked away. But, as he made his departing statement, he said it with a look that pretty much explained everything to me, more than a thousand words could.
The young man had friends, but for reasons unclear, a distance had formed between him and his old friends. And being in a small town, isolation is almost imminent if steps aren't taken to ensure some interaction among others, lest you be ostracized.
So, from what this young man told me, I was able to sense that, like everybody else on this rock we inhabit, he simply wanted friends, acceptance & love. But, the question remains......what do you do when you're alienated from the people you love? The answer is simple. You simply look for love somewhere else. And sometimes, that search will lead you to some pretty dark places. Hell, industries dealing in morally questionable pharmaceuticals & adult entertainment thrive on that.
But, I'm digressing. The bottom line is, I saw a young man who was simply looking to fit in. And in his pursuit of acceptance, he allowed some major compromises to occur. I neither blame nor condemn him nor the other parties involved. Maybe I'm being cold in saying this, but this is simply a scenario that builds character, for all those concerned.
But, there is a lesson to be learned here. Maybe that guy in the group who sticks out, who doesn't quite get it, who always seems to be "weird"....maybe they're just trying hard and getting nowhere. Maybe they're just frustrated by the limited success in their efforts.
In the end of the day, we're all playing the same game and the grand prize is simply acceptance. To some, it might sound like a crappy prize, but it sure as hell beats the alternative.....alienation.
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