Habits in the making

 After over a year of living in my current town, I've come to one conclussion.....hell's real. Granted, this spot is not as bad as some of the other places I've been, but it's in a league of its own sometimes. And yet, there have been certain saving graces for it. One of them being Shay. If I were to attempt to describe her, she'd be "the guy's girl". The female with plenty of insight into the male psyche, but enough femininity to still be sought after for a "midnight tryst", though I'm sure she would refer to it as a "wham-bam-thankyou-ma'am". Plus, she embraces my use of obscinities......which is just precious to me, for reasons that I'll take to my grave.
  I've always found a certain charm in the use of profanity. Sure, its hardly a medium of spoken word befitting certain "demographic regions of society", but I refuse to believe it doesn't have a place. Now, when I say profanity, I don't mean some stoner standing outside of a convience store, repeatedly dropping the F-bomb, before breaking out into a terrible rap verse (Thank you, Kevin Smith for "Jay and Silent Bob"). I'm talking about the use of it, in its purest form, to not simply shock, but as an exclamation mark on whatever point you were making, as affirmation to your belief in your view-point, which is so strong, you would risk offense by breaking "social norms of polite conversation". 
 But like most things in my life, I found myself wondering if I could go without it. So, for a certain period of time, I made the conscious effort of trying to go extended periods without so much as an utterance of inappropriate language.....and I constanly failed. And I, as per usual when in the face of constant failure, became frustrated and later dejected by that. I found myself questioning my own intelligience, taste, sense of class, wondering if I may have been adopted and was actually descended from an Eritrean version of "poor white trash" (and yes folks, I'm well aware that I'm black). And like all these periods, I overcame it without any real insight or breakthrough, namely because after a while I simply gave up trying to understand it and simply embraced it, though it has left a certain impression on me to this day.
 I bring this up because the aforementioned Shay, a fellow writer and blogger, imparted some of her own wisdom upon me, via her own blog (freeofakind.blogspot.com). "First, we make our habits....then our habits make us".
 When I first read this, I thought it was just some retarded fortune cookie nonsense that was probably featured somewhere in a Will Ferrell movie. But then it hit me........ statistically, most people hate their first sip of coffee, taste of smoking, taste of alcohol etc...but we continue to embibe in these things. We play sports even though the first time we did made us as sore as tenderized meat. We lift weights even though we risk injury every time. We have sex even though the first time is almost always a disappointment ( trust me when I say, if I had a dime for every sad first-time story I ever heard....).
 Our habits, like our qualities and faults, define who we are as people. They're the little street signs that we use on that road-trip to self-discovery, uncovering who it is we're talking to or up against or crushing on or dependent upon or in love with. They're the neon lights that illuminate us like Sin-City, making us visible from space. They're the film critics that'll give you some cryptic version of the inside scoop on whether you will flop or be a success, artistically, commercially or otherwise.
 So, for the sake of time conservation, the following depicts myself in question.....I drink, I smoke, I'm loud, I cuss, I'm occasionally slow, my pride tends to be my own worst enemy at times, I'm not always the slowest one to anger, I have a temper, I've done a substantial amount of my thinking with my head (the one located below my belt, thank you for asking) and lord knows what else.
 But like all package deals, I come with perks. I cook, I clean, I bake, I'm great to talk to, I always listen, I'll never give you bad advice, I'm funny (yes, I am), I always try to make sure that "she gets hers" and some others that I would most probably list if I could remember them all.
 Of course, whether you believe me or not is totally up to you, though humanity has shown that its easier to believe the worst than the best. If you were to be so inclined, however, you're welcome to navigate through my obstacle course of complication and pseudo-dementia, because, like almost everybody else, my best will more than suffice in compensating for whatever hell I put you through. You deserve to have me at my best, if you can handle me at my worst.
 Besides, as far as habits go, I could be a whole lot worse......right??