Growing Apart.....

 Before I dive into this, I have a question for those who might know me well, or well enough outside the parameters of this blog. Do I remind you guys of J.D. from Scrubs? Do I bear some resemblance to Zach Braff's character on the hit T.V. show, be it physically, emotionally, psychologically or otherwise? .....anyone? Right, moving right along....
 I damn near cried when I saw the series finale. After 8 seasons, the show ended. Personally, I think they did good, leave on a high note and all that. One of the scenes that still breaks my heart is when J.D. and Carla (Zach Braff and Judy Reyes respectively) were saying their on-screen good-byes. The original scene used was edited. In the scene, it showed Carla saying to J.D. "I'm gonna miss you, Bambi" (a well-known pet name that she had for J.D.). But, before the final "cut", J.D. whispered back to her, in her native Spanish, "yo también" (me too). And it was true.
 I only bring this up now because I recently saw a picture of Braff with his other co-star, Donald Faison, who both had become quite close over the years and had managed to keep in touch, even today. In fact, both had been part of a commercial to inspire young Americans to vote. Despite the obvious intentions behind the scheme, I still like to believe that their friendship hasn't dissolved along with the series that brought them together.....but I guess sometimes, fantasy is much more tolerable than actual reality.
 I've had a rough couple of years. Without getting into detail, let's just say they could have been better. One aspect of this has been a sense of isolation that I've had during this time. Granted, one could chalk it off to my current residence, which isn't exactly "party-central". Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place with many wonderful qualities, but......that's a story for another time. I hadn't expected for it to be easy, granted. But, there have been certain surprises that I hadn't expected at all.
 One aspect I had not expected was this feeling that I had. A feeling of abandonment. I'm sure some are probably rolling their eyes or just giggling. Please, go ahead. It changes nothing. For a while now, I had this feeling. And it was this feeling that led me to my ceremonial "burning of the bridges" that I spoke about in one of my previous entries.
 I thought my friends abandoned me. I felt this overwhelming loss for a period. So much so that, in order to cope, I decided to strike first. To cut the line and roll up the carpet before it was pull right out from under me, to simply cut my losses and flee. Looking back, I guess it was a "dick-move", but one I felt was required. In retrospect, I suppose there were better ways of handling it, but that's not what this is all about.
 An idea popped in my head, one that I had spoken of with others before, but hadn't given any consideration to because, in my arrogance, I simply assumed that it couldn't happen to me. And yet, it did. The simple fact......we had outgrown our friendships.
 An old Arab proverb stated that "friends are more a reflection of our environment rather than ourselves". That's true. A lot of that is true, especially with me. Despite that knowledge, the slow deterioration of these have been hard to bear. But, then something else occurred to me.
 The cornerstone of humanity, of being alive, is adaptation. To adjust to your environment. To roll with the punches. In short, you take what's thrown at you and just keep on going. And, with adaptation, comes the inevitable change. We change as people, as individuals. We stop and start trying, enjoying, despising  appreciating & hoping for different things. No one is the same person today as they were yesterday. And with these changes, manifestations occurred, including in our choice of friends. And with the new friends we get, we, sometimes unknowingly, sacrifice the friends we had before.
 Friends grow apart. That's the simple truth. And, it isn't a bad thing. It's just sad. Lord knows I've shed my fair share of tears for them. Sure, it sucks. But then again, who's to say that you won't make new friends? Who's to say you won't experience new happiness with new people?
 And who's to say that all friendships have to end? That's the tricky thing about it. Like a lotta things in life, y'never know when exactly it's gonna end. So, at the risk of sounding like some preachy after-school special, value your friends. Never miss a chance to let them know how much you need them. Even if it is to be short-lived, let them know that if the day comes when you both walk away, it'll be with a smile remembering the good times, not a tear of the "sad times to come".
 Braff and Faison are still going strong. The cast are still friends. If nothing else, that could inspire some hope.

 As for me....I'm still wondering if some fences can be mended, bridges fixed, damage made undone. Maybe so, maybe not. In any case, I'm still learning about this. I guess, in the end, all I can do is just keep stumbling in the dark. But, if anybody feels like lending me a hand up, please....don't hesitate.