Afraid of the Dark
When I was a kid, I was scared to death of the cellar. Of course, by Eritrean standards, the cellar was just a room where we kept a whole lotta junk, sorta like an above-ground basement or ground-floor attic. Due to my imagination being the way it was at the time (and still is sometimes), I would visualize all sorts of creepy crawlies that inhabited that part of the house, doing whatever it was they did when they weren't busy tormenting me with their antics. It had even gotten to a point where I would swear hearing actual conversations coming from there, until I realized it was just big brother messing with my head, as only he could. But, the experience had left me unsettled. It was only years later, after an admittedly minuscule amount of maturity had set in, I realized that at the time, I was just afraid of the dark. While this is something that we all outgrow and even learn how to embrace, the sad fact is, to this day, I can't honestly say that I'm entirely comfortable with the inherent absence of light that is common in this world........in plain English, I'm afraid of the dark.
I suppose this would make the fact that I moved to Scandinavia ironic and even hilarious to those of a more twisted sense of humor. For the benefit of the uninformed, Scandinavia, as well as various other countries further north in the world, experiences extended seasons and a sense of twilight dusk and dawn during these seasons. During the summers, the days get longer and might even last for more than 24 hours at a time. To some, this might be a nuisance. But, the winters are something else entirely. Even if we were to forget the unforgiving cold, the howling winds, the seemingly never-ending snowfall and the slippery-than-oil ice that accumulates, the most overwhelming feature of winter in these parts is the darkness. And despite the passive nature of it, its the darkness of winter that is the most dangerous of all.
Norway registers an average of 530 suicides per year, with 10 times as many suicide attempts, according to statistical information. However, the exact number is always difficult to determine. While researchers have tried to find correlation in seasonality and suicide, I see it more as a relationship between the weather and our outlook.
Rainy days make us sad. Sunny days make us happy. A warm fire on a snowy day makes us feel anything from cozy to relaxed. Seeing rainbows inside your living room might indicate that you need to open a window, but that's out of context, as per my usual thought-processing. But, darkness is something else.
For some, the absence of light is seen as the absence of hope. It fuels sadness and isolation. It fans the slow flame of withdrawal and abandon. It spikes the feeling of rejection and misunderstanding. And in extreme-but-not-uncommon cases, it leads to an overwhelming hopelessness.
I've spent sometime observing people, just watching and I've had the unfortunate task of discovering that folks are not as impervious to these things as some, including themselves, would like to think. And while I advocate strength, I also practice compassion. While I encourage one to rough it out, I will not stand by while you suffer. And despite the comedic implications of such, I do not appreciate Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from others misfortune).
While writing this, I am reminded of Ted Buckland, a character from the T.V. show "Scrubs". He was the "sad sap" of the hospital, with pathetically low self-esteem, who always seemed to be one disappointment away from a shooting spree/suicide. I remember one of his lines that hit a nerve with me. When asked why the contents of his briefcase were merely a smiley face button and a loaded pistol, he simply responded "one is for when I have a bad day....the other is for when I have a really bad day". If the show is any indication, I guess we should all thank our lucky stars that he never had a "really bad day". But once again, my imagination is running away from me.
The winter darkness is not just a period where the nights are longer than the days. It is a dreaded opening, inviting us to explore every dark impulse and negative feeling that we've ever had. Past wrongs come back to haunt us. Mistakes are relived. Anger and regret are welcomed bed-fellows. We simply are at risk of being exposed to our greatest fears, combined with that little voice in our head, constantly reinforcing everything bad that we believe in.
Block out that voice, folks. Help others to see it for what it truly is. Simply, our own minds working against us. We're not alone. Let's be there for one another. Let's help each other get through these next months, because I truly shudder to think what could happen if, left alone, someone were to decide to start listening to that voice.
The only way to fight darkness is with light. So, give a little light to each other. Even a spark could start the mightiest of blazes. So, share your light (yes, I'm being cheesy....screw it, its for a good cause). Share your light with someone. And who knows. You might help some poor bastard overcome his fear of the dark. And worst comes to worst, at least you'll know that your not alone, and that's always reassuring.
I suppose this would make the fact that I moved to Scandinavia ironic and even hilarious to those of a more twisted sense of humor. For the benefit of the uninformed, Scandinavia, as well as various other countries further north in the world, experiences extended seasons and a sense of twilight dusk and dawn during these seasons. During the summers, the days get longer and might even last for more than 24 hours at a time. To some, this might be a nuisance. But, the winters are something else entirely. Even if we were to forget the unforgiving cold, the howling winds, the seemingly never-ending snowfall and the slippery-than-oil ice that accumulates, the most overwhelming feature of winter in these parts is the darkness. And despite the passive nature of it, its the darkness of winter that is the most dangerous of all.
Norway registers an average of 530 suicides per year, with 10 times as many suicide attempts, according to statistical information. However, the exact number is always difficult to determine. While researchers have tried to find correlation in seasonality and suicide, I see it more as a relationship between the weather and our outlook.
Rainy days make us sad. Sunny days make us happy. A warm fire on a snowy day makes us feel anything from cozy to relaxed. Seeing rainbows inside your living room might indicate that you need to open a window, but that's out of context, as per my usual thought-processing. But, darkness is something else.
For some, the absence of light is seen as the absence of hope. It fuels sadness and isolation. It fans the slow flame of withdrawal and abandon. It spikes the feeling of rejection and misunderstanding. And in extreme-but-not-uncommon cases, it leads to an overwhelming hopelessness.
I've spent sometime observing people, just watching and I've had the unfortunate task of discovering that folks are not as impervious to these things as some, including themselves, would like to think. And while I advocate strength, I also practice compassion. While I encourage one to rough it out, I will not stand by while you suffer. And despite the comedic implications of such, I do not appreciate Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from others misfortune).
The winter darkness is not just a period where the nights are longer than the days. It is a dreaded opening, inviting us to explore every dark impulse and negative feeling that we've ever had. Past wrongs come back to haunt us. Mistakes are relived. Anger and regret are welcomed bed-fellows. We simply are at risk of being exposed to our greatest fears, combined with that little voice in our head, constantly reinforcing everything bad that we believe in.
Block out that voice, folks. Help others to see it for what it truly is. Simply, our own minds working against us. We're not alone. Let's be there for one another. Let's help each other get through these next months, because I truly shudder to think what could happen if, left alone, someone were to decide to start listening to that voice.
The only way to fight darkness is with light. So, give a little light to each other. Even a spark could start the mightiest of blazes. So, share your light (yes, I'm being cheesy....screw it, its for a good cause). Share your light with someone. And who knows. You might help some poor bastard overcome his fear of the dark. And worst comes to worst, at least you'll know that your not alone, and that's always reassuring.
I am scared of the dark too. I'm terrified, in fact. But did you know, that here in Norway, you can purchase a sort of sun light, for winter time, where you can sit under it, and it gives you the illusion that you're experiencing the sun?
ReplyDeleteI dont know much about it, but there's a woman in Tørdal who suffers from severe depression during winter time, and she told me she had that light. She turns it on for at least an hour or two every day :)
Tea bag wisdom: «Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light». I love it!
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